I’m sitting here thinking about how great a ride life has been. The changes over the past 2 years have been beyond anything I could have ever expected. It was about two and a half years ago that Jess and I had just decided to give this wedding photography thing a go. I quit my job to pursue the dream and slowly started getting things going when Jessica got pregnant with Avalon. I can still remember it vividly.
I had just gotten back from a long and liberating road trip with Jessicas cousin. Chris and I were driving a load of stuff down from a remote town in Alaska [relocating Jessicas grandma] through Canada to a home just purchased in California. Driving long shifts, each night we’d park out front of bars and truck stops along the way grab a few drinks and then climb in amongst the load in the back of a pull along trailer and sleep. Oh and we had her dog with us too. This was no camping trailer… no sinks or beds, nope, this was more like a uhaul. A long hallow steel storage unit. That made it all that much more fun though. It was so inspiring for me, quitting my job, hitting the open road and having this sense of total freedom. When I finally got home and walked in the door I was excited to tell her about our adventure;. She was excited to tell me other news. I had no idea everything was about to change.
We had recently moved into a new house which we were renting from her mom. Under the sink Jessica had one pregnancy test… with no box. It got discarded in the move. She took the test and when the results came up she didnt know what it meant since there was no box to reference… but she had a feeling she knew the answer. So when I got home she showed me a stick which had 2 lines, she told me she thought she was pregnant. I was stunned, definitely the last thing I ever expected to be waiting for me walking in from this trip. I didnt give her the reaction she wanted, you know the one in the movies when the guy whisks up the wife/ girlfriend and twirls her around excitedly and they start celebrating and picking out names!? Yeah, I think I might have actually done the opposite of that. My head was in a panic. Sure, I was happy, but then the logical side kicked in… we had no jobs to support this baby, literally just starting up the wedding photography business. We rushed down to the local CVS and picked up another test. She pee’d on both the sticks in the box. Positive [ x’s 2] and It was official my world was about to change.
And it did. The next day I was on craigslist writing ads up. “We will shoot your wedding for FREE!” Seriously, it went something like that… cause although we knew how to shoot, we didnt know the flow of a wedding. There are no repeats, no do overs. You gotta be where you need to be when you need to be there. People are trusting in you to land important moments and we had no portfolio to show to get bookings. We needed some ASAP, it was sink or swim we had to make it happen. We shot 3 for free then started charging $600, $800, $1200 and so on… raising it every 5 or so weddings. We photographed over 50 weddings the first year, probably closer to 60. It was INSANE. But we were having fun and making the dream come true.
Avalon was born and with that my world changed once again. That experience there is worthy of so many more blog posts and I’m sure I’ll come back to all that soon enough but for now all I can say is there is no better choice we could have made for our “career” just a few months prior. These past couple years with her we have been there every step of the way. Her first words, first steps, first everything! Being a photographer has allowed us to work from home and only be away “working” a few days a month. The rest of the time we spend at home, together, as a family. She has never once been to a daycare and has been fortunate to always be around family and friends who love her. Jess and I are both only children so since this was the first grand baby we literally had two VERY supportive sets of grandparents fighting over who could watch her on the weekends that we had weddings. There is no way we could have done it without them and Im so thankful for all the love, help and support we have received.
This brings me to now… Jessica is pregnant again. This time with our son. We got our 1 and 1. We have our dogs. American dream right? The 2.5 kids in suburbia, minus the white picket fence. We have had a nice little break and a chance to get things in order. For the new baby, for the business. Jessica’s due date is today [March 29th] and these past few days we have been enjoying life as it is currently… knowing its all about to change again. Its on both our minds. It could happen any moment now.
Waiting for the baby bomb to drop is a crazy thing. You are ready, then you’re not. Then you think everything is in order again… and realize theres more you wanna do before. You know things will never be the same way they are now. You welcome it. At the same time you are slightly scared by this thought. This must be what happens with an awareness of the pivotal points in life. I want to remember this moment, right here in the now is an amazing place to be. So thats why Im writing this. A friend told me today I should. I want to be able to look back on all this some day and just be right back in this moment: Uncertainty. Excitement. Anticipation. I know what I have coming to me in the future but I’m in no rush to get there. I witness a sliver of it at every wedding I photograph. I watch Dad walk his daughter down the aisle, dancing the father daughter dance, he’s trying not to cry. He tells me that it all goes by too fast. I dont believe him, but Im not there yet… in his mind its the truth. My journey is just beginning and some day I will be him. Walking Avalon down the aisle, dancing that dance. Let me hold on to this moment now. The anticipation. The anxious feeling. It’s 11:11 on Tuesday, jess is asleep. Shes tired and understandably so, its crazy to think about a little life growing inside of you. Im a guy, thats all I can do is think and wonder what it is like. She experiences it, he wakes her up, he is moving inside her. She is uncomfortable and says she is ready to do this… and at the same time a little scared. All I can do is be supportive. I’m clueless to what she has to go through and she knows it, but still I tell her not to worry… shes got it. everything will be fine. She goes back to bed. Tonight is not the night and we will wait till her body decides our little man is ready. When he is then so are we… the next chapter begins.
and until then… I am just enjoying every single moment in that time before things change.
